“We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.” – T. S. Eliot

I need inspiration. And its everywhere. Its in the sun, the moon, the stars. When you are going through a disaster, life is hard. You are consumed in the tumult going on all around you. But for me the worst part is when it's over. And the world is finally quite and everything stops moving, but my mind is still racing in circles. It's terrible enough to suffer trials, but when they are over and you stand alone looking at the carnage and destruction in your life and realize that now you must work to rebuild everything, that is the overwhelming feeling of finally sinking beneath the waves that you have been fighting against since day one. This is not to say that we sink forever, but at least for a moment we give in. We rest and we think and we wallow. And then when we have slept in the darkness and known our enemy, we are able to pick ourselves and go to work. The down time is essential I think. It's not something we often talking about. But its something we all do. Night comes just like day. But it's like were all afraid to talk about the night. Like it something shameful and we have to hide. But its not. If we live in the night, if we embrace it, revel in it even, that is when we for the first time really feel the sun when it rises. I have experiences in the past year that have taught me about shame. The shame that comes when we try to hide our nights. If we are ashamed of the night, then we will never overcome it. But a friend, a brother, spoke to me and suddenly it was clear. "Tomorrow we fight," he said, "But for tonight live in it. Let your mind be consumed in your grief, learn it, study it, know your enemy and then tomorrow we fight." The battle against our personal vices is not a civil war as I had previously thought. There is an enemy, and yes he does have outposts in our heads.

I found my inspiration, the same that has inspired me these many years, that "even the youth shall faint and be weary and the young men shall utterly fail. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not be faint."